***Click the paper above for bigger image.***
*Week 1 Recaps*
I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks embarrasses JUICE’S and BERRY’s
I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks embarrassed a hapless JUICE’S and BERRY’s team by a score of 192.24 to 125.74, behind the support of 70,193 faithful fans at Ample Watts Field.
I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks were led to their 66.50 point victory by a 25.00 point effort from J.J. Watt, who beat the JUICE’S and BERRY’s offense for 9 tackles and 2 QB sacks. With this performance, Watt was the number 1 ranked defensive end for week 1. They also got help from a 23.80 point effort from DeAndre Hopkins, who got by the JUICE’S and BERRY’s defense for 98 receiving yards and 2 receiving TD’s.
“This team shows a lot of pride,” I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks coach Robert Jackson said.
JUICE’S and BERRY’s were helped out in a losing cause by a 22.30 point effort from Tyler Lockett, who snuck past the I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks defense for 34 receiving yards. With this performance, Lockett was the number 4 ranked wide receiver for week 1. They also got help from a 18.00 point effort fromJason Witten, who snuck past the I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks defense for 60 receiving yards and 2 receiving TDs.
“You’ve got to hand it to them,” JUICE’S and BERRY’s coach Monte Johnson said.
This brings the record for I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks to 1-0, and drops JUICE’S and BERRY’s to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, the 0-1 Clam Diggers are at I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks, where I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks are an early 22.8-point underdog, while the 1-0 Dread Pirate Oso are at JUICE’S and BERRY’s, where JUICE’S and BERRY’s are an early 39.3-point underdog.
Dread Pirate Oso Takes Down Clam Diggers
Dread Pirate Oso beat a strong Clam Diggers team by a score of 162.92 to 135.12, silencing a partisan crowd of 69,725 at Clam Digger Stadium.
Dread Pirate Oso were led to their 27.80 point victory by a 30.20 point effort from Carlos Hyde, who beat the Clam Diggers defense for 168 rushing yards and 2 rushing TDs in addition to 14 receiving yards. With this performance, Hyde was the number 1 ranked overall fantasy scorer for week 1. They also got help from a 22.40 point effort from Tyler Eifert, who beat the Clam Diggers defense for 104 receiving yards and 2 receiving TDs.
“We knew this would be no cakewalk,” Dread Pirate Oso coach Mac said.
The Clam Diggers were helped out in a losing cause by a 16.60 point effort from Keenan Allen, who beat the Dread Pirate Oso defense for 166 receiving yards. They also got help from a 15.62 point effort from Matt Ryan, who got by the Dread Pirate Oso defense for 298 passing yards and 2 passing TDs in addition to 7 rushing yards.
“He always has his team ready to play,” Clam Diggers coach Rich Perez said.
This brings the record for Dread Pirate Oso to 1-0, and drops the Clam Diggers to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, the Clam Diggers are at the 1-0 I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks, where I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks are an early 22.8-point favorite, while Dread Pirate Oso are at the 0-1 JUICE’S and BERRY’s, where JUICE’S and BERRY’s are an early 39.3-point underdog.
Hakeem I Saw I Conquered Edges Georgia Boy in Game of the Week
Hakeem I Saw I Conquered squeaked by a tough Georgia Boy team by a score of 110.50 to 104.56, silencing a partisan crowd of 67,004 at Georgia Dome.
Hakeem I Saw I Conquered were led to their 5.94 point victory by a 14.00 point effort from DeMarco Murray, who snuck past the Atlanta Falcons defense for 9 rushing yards and 1 rushing TD in addition to 11 receiving yards. They also got help from a 11.00 point effort from Paul Worrilow, who beat the Philadelphia Eagles offense for 9 tackles.
“We’ll use this win as a stepping stone to the next level,” Hakeem I Saw I Conquered coach Brian Liotta said.
Georgia Boy were helped out in a losing cause by a 27.40 point effort from Rob Gronkowski, who got by the Pittsburgh Steelers defense for 94 receiving yards and 3 receiving TDs. With this performance, Gronkowski was the number 3 ranked overall fantasy scorer for week 1. They also got help from a 23.06 point effort from Aaron Rodgers, who snuck past the Chicago Bears defense for 189 passing yards and 3 passing TDs in addition to 35 rushing yards.
“They out-hustled us,” Georgia Boy coach Jimmie Lewis said.
Hakeem I Saw I Conquered took advantage of their schedule this week, as their point total would have gone for a loss against 18 out of 22 other potential opponents in week 1. This brings the record for Hakeem I Saw I Conquered to 1-0, and drops Georgia Boy to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, the 0-1 Carolina Hitmen are at Hakeem I Saw I Conquered, where Hakeem I Saw I Conquered are an early 40.7-point favorite, while the 1-0 San Diego Goats are at Georgia Boy, where Georgia Boy are an early 19.8-point underdog.
San Diego Goats Destroy Carolina Hitmen
The San Diego Goats took it to the Carolina Hitmen by a score of 152.00 to 85.84, behind the support of 65,734 faithful fans at The Barn.
The San Diego Goats were led to their 66.16 point victory by a 22.00 point effort from Chris Ivory, who got by the Cleveland Browns defense for 91 rushing yards and 2 rushing TDs in addition to 9 receiving yards. With this performance, Ivory was the number 5 ranked running back for week 1. They also got help from a 21.10 point effort from Jarvis Landry, who snuck past the Washington Redskins defense for 53 receiving yards in addition to 14 rushing yards.
“We knew this would be no cakewalk,” San Diego Goats coach Chad Kutzke said.
The Carolina Hitmen were helped out in a losing cause by a 26.10 point effort from Julio Jones, who beat the Philadelphia Eagles defense for 141 receiving yards and 2 receiving TDs. With this performance, Jones was the number 5 ranked overall fantasy scorer for week 1. They also got help from a 18.30point effort from Thomas Davis, who beat the Jacksonville Jaguars offense for 7 tackles and 1 interception.
“We weren’t mentally prepared,” Carolina Hitmen coach Ronnell Morgan said.
This brings the record for the San Diego Goats to 1-0, and drops the Carolina Hitmen to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, the Carolina Hitmen are at the 1-0 Hakeem I Saw I Conquered, where Hakeem I Saw I Conquered are an early 40.7-point favorite, while the San Diego Goats are at the 0-1 Georgia Boy, where Georgia Boy are an early 19.8-point underdog.
BUCKNASTY BOYS Shock DeSeantourage
The BUCKNASTY BOYS dismantled the DeSeantourage team by a score of 134.74 to 93.94, behind the support of 67,058 faithful fans at BUCKNASTY Field. The BUCKNASTY BOYS were led to their 40.80 point victory by a 15.80 point effort from Brandon Marshall, who beat the Baltimore Ravens offense for 6 tackles. With this performance, Marshall was the number 6 ranked defensive linebacker for week 1. They also got help from a 15.20 point effort from Clay Matthews, who beat the Chicago Bears offense for 6 tackles and 1 interception.
“We brought our A-game,” BUCKNASTY BOYS coach Jesse Lowrey said.
DeSeantourage were helped out in a losing cause by a 22.60 point effort from Matt Forte, who beat the Green Bay Packers defense for 141 rushing yards and 1 rushing TD in addition to 25 receiving yards. With this performance, Forte was the number 3 ranked running back for week 1. They also got help from a 9.80 point effort from Randall Cobb, who snuck past the Chicago Bears defense for 38 receiving yards and 1 receiving TD.
“This is a bitter pill to swallow,” DeSeantourage coach Theron K. Shavers said.
Adding salt to the wound, DeSeantourage could have scored 137.06 points and earned the win with their best lineup, but Theron K. Shavers left key players like Bishop Sankey and his corresponding 22.30 points on the bench.
This brings the record for the BUCKNASTY BOYS to 1-0, and drops DeSeantourage to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, the 1-0 1010011010 are at DeSeantourage, where DeSeantourage are an early 31.5-point underdog, while the 0-1 I Go Deep are at the BUCKNASTY BOYS, where the BUCKNASTY BOYS are an early 11.5-point underdog.
1010011010 Slips Past I Go Deep
1010011010 slipped past I Go Deep by the slimmest of margins 124.80 to 121.44, silencing a crowd of 70,169 at Deeper Field.
1010011010 were led to their 3.36 point victory by a 16.30 point effort from C.J. Mosley, who beat the Denver Broncos offense for 5 tackles. With this performance, Mosley was the number 4 ranked defensive linebacker for week 1. They also got help from a 15.90 point effort from Eddie Lacy, who got by the Chicago Bears defense for 85 rushing yards and 1 rushing TD in addition to 14 receiving yards.
“We’re going to use this win as a building block,” 1010011010 coach Mark Garlitz said.
I Go Deep were helped out in a losing cause by a 23.60 point effort from Travis Kelce, who beat the Houston Texans defense for 106 receiving yards and 2 receiving TDs. With this performance, Kelce was the number 3 ranked tight end for week 1. They also got help from a 21.60 point effort from Aqib Talib, who beat the Baltimore Ravens offense for 2 tackles and 1 interception.
“We didn’t get the job done,” I Go Deep coach Nick Davis said.
Causing further embarrassment, I Go Deep could have scored 127.34 points and earned the win with their best lineup, but Nick Davis left key players like Geno Atkins and his corresponding 8.40 points on the bench.
This brings the record for 1010011010 to 1-0, and drops I Go Deep to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, 1010011010 are at the 0-1 DeSeantourage, where DeSeantourage are an early 31.5-point underdog, while I Go Deep are at the 1-0 BUCKNASTY BOYS, where the BUCKNASTY BOYS are an early 11.5-point underdog.
Hyde Yo Wife Slams Beer, Cheese, & Brats
Hyde Yo Wife slammed Beer, Cheese, & Brats by a score of 193.84 to 111.50, silencing the crowd of 67,267 at Lambeau Field. Hyde Yo Wife were led to their 82.34 point victory by a 30.20 point effort from Carlos Hyde, who beat the Minnesota Vikings defense for 168 rushing yards and 2 rushing TDs in addition to 14 receiving yards. With this performance, Hyde was the number 1 ranked overall fantasy scorer for week 1. They also got help from a 27.40 point effort from Rob Gronkowski, who got by the Pittsburgh Steelers defense for 94 receiving yards and 3 receiving TDs.
“We’re going to savor this victory,” Hyde Yo Wife coach Greg Stallworth said.
Beer, Cheese, & Brats were helped out in a losing cause by a 15.20 point effort from Clay Matthews, who beat the Chicago Bears offense for 6 tackles and 1 interception. They also got help from a 12.10 point effort from Dont’a Hightower, who beat the Pittsburgh Steelers offense for 6 tackles.
“My hat’s off to them,” Beer, Cheese, & Brats coach Jim Barnes said.
This brings the record for Hyde Yo Wife to 1-0, and drops Beer, Cheese, & Brats to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, the 0-1 Orange Peanuts are at Beer, Cheese, & Brats, where Beer, Cheese, & Brats are an early 3.0-point underdog, while the 1-0 The Gremlins are at Hyde Yo Wife, where Hyde Yo Wife are an early 0.6-point underdog.
The Gremlins Hand Orange Peanuts A Week 1 Loss
The Gremlins beat Orange Peanuts 154.04 to 123.50, silencing 74,953 fans at RVA Stadium.
The Gremlins were led to their 30.54 point victory by a 23.80 point effort from DeAndre Hopkins, who got by the Kansas City Chiefs defense for 98 receiving yards and 2 receiving TDs. With this performance, Hopkins was the number 2 ranked wide receiver for week 1. They also got help from a22.40 point effort from Tyler Eifert, who beat the Oakland Raiders defense for 104 receiving yards and 2 receiving TDs.
“You dream about this as a kid,” The Gremlins coach Dan Arcand said.
Orange Peanuts were helped out in a losing cause by a 14.50 point effort from Drew Brees, who tore apart the Arizona Cardinals defense for 355 passing yards and 1 passing TD in addition to 3 rushing yards. They also got help from a 14.20 point effort from Stevie Johnson, who got by the Detroit Lions defense for 82 receiving yards and 1 receiving TD.
“We beat ourselves,” Orange Peanuts coach Champ Douglas said.
This brings the record for The Gremlins to 1-0, and drops Orange Peanuts to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, Orange Peanuts are at the 0-1 Beer, Cheese, & Brats, where Beer, Cheese, & Brats are an early 3.0-point underdog, while The Gremlins are at the 1-0 Hyde Yo Wife, where Hyde Yo Wife are an early 0.6-point underdog.
Fear The CAT Absolutely Demolishes the NC Titans
Fear The CAT laid a beat down on the NC Titans outscoring them 191.48 to 87.62, behind the support of 71,958 faithful fans at On the Prowl Stadium.
Fear The CAT were led to their 103.86 point victory by a 27.68 point effort from Carson Palmer, who beat the New Orleans Saints defense for 307 passing yards and 3 passing TDs in addition to 14 rushing yards. With this performance, Palmer was the number 2 ranked overall fantasy scorer for week 1. They also got help from a 21.60 point effort from Glover Quin, who beat the San Diego Chargers offense for 7 tackles and 1 interception.
“This team has overcome a lot of adversity,” Fear The CAT coach Billy Hewitt said.
The NC Titans were helped out in a losing cause by a 15.90 point effort from Eddie Lacy, who got by the Chicago Bears defense for 85 rushing yards and 1 rushing TD in addition to 14 receiving yards. They also got help from a 13.72 point effort from Andrew Luck, who got by the Buffalo Bills defense for 243 passing yards and 2 passing TDs in addition to 20 rushing yards.
“We didn’t match their intensity,” NC Titans coach Manzel Kendrick said.
This brings the record for Fear The CAT to 1-0, and drops the NC Titans to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, the 0-1 Famous’ Crablegs & Bootlegs! are at the NC Titans, where the NC Titans are an early 11.6-point underdog, while the 1-0 Surprise Scorpians are at Fear The CAT, where Fear The CAT are an early 14.2-point favorite.
Surprise Scorpians Overwhelm Famous’ Crablegs & Bootlegs!
The Surprise Scorpians took it to Famous’ Crablegs & Bootlegs!, winning by a score of 174.12 to 117.34, behind the support of 69,838 faithful fans at Scorpian Dome.
The Surprise Scorpians were led to their 56.78 point victory by a 25.62 point effort from Tom Brady, who got by the Pittsburgh Steelers defense for 288 passing yards and 4 passing TDs in addition to 1 rushing yards. With this performance, Brady was the number 2 ranked quarterback for week 1. They also got help from a 25.00 point effort from J.J. Watt, who beat the Kansas City Chiefs offense for 9 tackles and 2 QB sacks.
“We made our own breaks,” Surprise Scorpians coach Robert Elliott said.
Famous’ Crablegs & Bootlegs! were helped out in a losing cause by a 18.00 point effort from Jason Witten, who snuck past the New York Giants defense for 60 receiving yards and 2 receiving TDs. With this performance, Witten was the number 5 ranked tight end for week 1. They also got help from a 12.74 point effort from Matthew Stafford, who got by the San Diego Chargers defense for 246 passing yards and 2 passing TDs.
“We didn’t maintain the intensity for the entire 60 minutes,” Famous’ Crablegs & Bootlegs! coach Joshua Hagerman said.
This brings the record for the Surprise Scorpians to 1-0, and drops Famous’ Crablegs & Bootlegs! to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, Famous’ Crablegs & Bootlegs! are at the 0-1 NC Titans, where the NC Titans are an early 11.6-point underdog, while the Surprise Scorpians are at the 1-0 Fear The CAT, where Fear The CAT are an early 14.2-point favorite.
Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood Handles Phlying High
Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood handled Phlying High by a score of 143.96 to 119.24, behind the support of 65,784 faithful fans at Rodgers Field.
Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood were led to their 24.72 point victory by a 23.06 point effort from Aaron Rodgers, who snuck past the Chicago Bears defense for 189 passing yards and 3 passing TDs in addition to 35 rushing yards. With this performance, Rodgers was the number 4 ranked quarterback for week 1. They also got help from a 17.00 point effort from Brandon McManus, who beat the Baltimore Ravens defense for 4 field goals made and 1 extra point.
“I’m really proud of the way our guys hung in there,” Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood coach Michael Liotta said.
Phlying High were helped out in a losing cause by a 23.60 point effort from Travis Kelce, who beat the Houston Texans defense for 106 receiving yards and 2 receiving TDs. With this performance, Kelce was the number 3 ranked tight end for week 1. They also got help from a 15.80 point effort from Brandon Marshall, who beat the Baltimore Ravens offense for 6 tackles.
“We didn’t get the job done,” Phlying High coach Jake Fields said.
Adding salt to the wound, Phlying High could have scored 148.26 points and earned the win with their best lineup, but Jake Fields left key players like Philip Rivers and his corresponding 17.96 points on the bench.
This brings the record for Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood to 1-0, and drops Phlying High to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, the 1-0 Soul Snatchers are at Phlying High, where Phlying High are an early 21.1-point favorite, while the 0-1 Jamstradamus are at Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood, where Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood are an early 24.1-point favorite.
Soul Snatchers Steal A Win from Jamstradamus
The Soul Snatchers beat Jamstradamus 118.96 to 95.74 in Week 1, silencing the 65,153 in attendance at Jamcentral Stadium.
The Soul Snatchers were led to their 23.22 point victory by a 24.96 point effort from Marcus Mariota, who got by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers defense for 209 passing yards and 4 passing TDs in addition to 6 rushing yards. With this performance, Mariota was the number 3 ranked quarterback for week 1. They also got help from a 23.00 point effort from Tavon Austin, who snuck past the Seattle Seahawks defense for -2 receiving yards in addition to 17 rushing yards.
“This MVP award belongs to the whole team,” Soul Snatchers coach Marcus McKinley said.
Jamstradamus were helped out in a losing cause by a 22.60 point effort from Matt Forte, who beat the Green Bay Packers defense for 141 rushing yards and 1 rushing TD in addition to 25 receiving yards. With this performance, Forte was the number 3 ranked running back for week 1. They also got help from a 10.00 point effort from Kiko Alonso, who beat the Atlanta Falcons offense for 4 tackles and 1 interception.
“The final score is the only statistic that matters,” Jamstradamus coach Mike said.
Adding salt to the wound, Jamstradamus could have scored 121.32 points and earned the win with their best lineup, but Mike left key players like Alex Smith and his corresponding 22.22 points on the bench.
The Soul Snatchers took advantage of their schedule this week, as their point total would have gone for a loss against 15 out of 22 other potential opponents in week 1.
This brings the record for the Soul Snatchers to 1-0, and drops Jamstradamus to a record of 0-1.
Coming up in week 2, the Soul Snatchers are at the 0-1 Phlying High, where Phlying High are an early 21.1-point favorite, while Jamstradamus are at the 1-0 Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood, where Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood are an early 24.1-point favorite.
*Top 5 E.L.S.I.E. Poll*
1.Hakeem I Saw I Conquered (1-0)
2.San Diego Goats (1-0)
3.Hyde Yo Wife (1-0)
4.I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks (1-0)
5.Fear The CAT (1-0)
*Power Rankings*
1.Hyde Yo Wife (51.25)
2.I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks (48.23)
3.Fear The CAT (42.03)
4.Surprise Scorpians (36.47)
5.The Gremlins (36.46)
6.San Diego Goats (36.28)
7.Dread Pirate Oso (36.22)
8.BUCKNASTY BOYS (34.69)
9.Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood (32.19)
10.JUICE’S and BERRY’s (31.17)
11.Orange Peanuts (29.68)
12. Soul Snatchers (28.11)
13.Clam Diggers (27.74)
14. 1010011010 (26.62)
15.Phlying High (25.72)
16.I Go Deep (21.92)
17. Famous’ Crablegs & Bootlegs! (21.75)
18.Hakeem I Saw I Conquered (19.78)
19.Beer, Cheese & Brats (19.10)
20.DeSeantourage (17.40)
21.Jamstradamus (16.14)
22.Georgia Boy (14.58)
23.Carolina Hitmen (14.51)
24.NC Titans (14.47)
*E.L.S.I.E. Island*
Unfortunately, newcomer to The League! and first time fantasy football owner/coach Ronnell Morgan is the first to be voted off of E.L.S.I.E. Island. It’s unfortunate, but if it wasn’t he team it could as very easily been yours so we will salute Mr. Ronnell Morgan on his fantasy journey.
- Week 1 Elimination:
Carolina Hitmen, coached by Ronnell Morgan
*Bounties & Fines*
*Bounties Earn – $5.00*
“Snickers Award”, The Most Satisfying Player of the Week (Fantasy Gem) – Carlos Hyde-RB (30.20 fantasy pts)
Origins: Dread Pirate Oso
Legends: Hyde Yo Wife
“Buddy Ryan” – The highest defensive scoring player of the week. – J.J. Watt-DL (25.00 fantasy pts)
Origins: I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks
Legends: Surprise Scorpians
“Gold Standard Award” – Team with the highest score in a single week.
Origins: I Got Sacks On Sacks On Sacks – (192.24 fantasy pts)
Legends: Hyde Yo Wife – (193.84 fantasy pts)
“Monster Award” – Best efficiency fantasy point total in a single week.
Origins: Clam Diggers – (102.3%)
Legends: Surprise Scorpians – (102.1%)
*Fines Accessed – (-$5.00)*
“Hindsight Award”, aka Poor Coaching Decisions – The losing team with the most points left on the bench.
Origins: JUICE’S and BERRY’s – (68.54 fantasy pts)
Legends: Orange Peanuts – (73.10 fantasy pts)
“Dunce Award” – Biggest roster mistake of the week.
Origins: DeSeantourage – Bishop Sankey-RB (22.30 fantasy pts on the bench)
Legends: Jamstradamus – Alex Smith-QB (22.22 fantasy pts on the bench)
“Bridesmaid Award” – Closest loss of the week.
Origins: I Go Deep – (3.36 fantasy pts)
Legends: Jamstradamus – (23.22 fantasy pts)
“Doormat Award” – Worse efficiency fantasy point total in a single week.
Origins: Carolina Hitmen – (61.0%)
Legends: Soul Snatchers – (70.5%)
